


The ache fades but the memories remain

by Katie_Dub



Category: Fleabag (TV)
Genre: F/M, Future Fic, Not A Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:40:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22891888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katie_Dub/pseuds/Katie_Dub
Summary: "I love you.""It'll pass."It's been three years, but a piece of my heart will always belong to the Priest. Only now I can see that it's because he's made me better than I could have ever hoped to be without him, but our time has passed, and that's OK.
Relationships: Fleabag/Priest (Fleabag)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39





	The ache fades but the memories remain

**Author's Note:**

> Writing for a new fandom is something I didn't expect, damn that Hot Priest, I'm only human.

“I love you.”

“It’ll pass.”

It’s been three years since that night, when the Priest left me. He was right, but also, he was so wrong. That ache is gone, the sheer fucking awfulness of being in love, right now, with the one man you can’t be with. But the love? I’m not sure that’ll ever fade.

I hope it doesn’t.

I like that he changed me, that he left a piece of me with him for safekeeping.

I hope he treasures the piece of my heart that I left with him.

Of course he does. Sensitive wanker.

We’re at a party at some fancy house, I’m not really clear on the details. But this isn’t one of Stepmother’s ordeals. This is me, hand in hand with my Fiance.

Yep. Fiance. Mine.

_Where did you go just then?_

I shake off that lingering self-doubt that forces me to keep people at a distance. I want to be happy with him. I _am_ happy with him, but old habits die hard.

“Do you mind?” I tug on my Fiance’s hand, he looks at me attentively. “I need a drink, can I get you anything?”

He smiles, nods. “You know what I like.” He brushes a kiss against my cheek, whispers “thanks” in my ear.

There’s an entire bar’s worth of booze in the kitchen, every colour of wine, an array of suitably pretentious lagers, and my eyes land on a few stray cans of M&S G&T.

I can see the Priest, grinning at me over his can, sharing a secret with me.

These memories don’t hurt, not like when I see Boo, these make me smile, remind me that once upon a time I loved a man, a really special man, and he loved me and for a little while we got to be together.

I think it’s because I know he’s still out there, with that little piece of my heart.

I leave the G&T, grab a glass of white wine and a lager that sounds suitably interesting without being unbearably hip, and turn -

And crash into someone. Mercifully it’s the hand holding the bottle that collides with their chest, my wine merely sloshing around in the glass.

“Fuck sorry!” “Oh fuck me.”

That voice.

I freeze.

It can’t be.

_“Oh fuck me.”_

It is.

I look up into the eyes of the Priest. He looks like a deer caught in headlights. He’s the one who ended things, the one who chose another love over mine, he’s scared by how I’ll proceed. I know that whatever I say in these next few moments will make or break us.

“In public? Kinky.”

He laughs, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, there’s still an edge there. A note of anxiety.

“And I don’t think my Fiance would like it.”

His eyes dart down to my hand, I wave it to show off my sparkly ring. I hope the gesture doesn’t come off as smug. My god, my chest feels tight, is it hot in here or is this just the thought of how the last man I made love to (yeah, I can call it that now) will react? How does one react to news that someone you loved is in love with someone else when you’re a Catholic priest who left them for God?

His face breaks into a genuine smile - one with relief and I’d even say a smidge of pride mixed into it.

_I’ve made him proud._

That thought warms me from the inside out, soothing that tension instantly. He’s beautiful when he smiles. “Congratulations.”

It’s later on that evening and the Priest and I have found each other again, falling into conversation as easily as breathing. He always did just _get_ me, and while before, there was always this tension, this desire simmering between us that kept us from being truly friends, now that has passed.

“It’s not true, you know,” I say.

“What’s that?”

“It didn’t pass.”

The Priest’s face is instantly horror-stricken, eyes darting to my Fiance across the room with a distant look of terror in them. “... But, but you…”

“Oh get over yourself, the man over there worships me, _in every way.”_ I pause, watch for the moment that the Priest’s eyes rolls at my antics. I giggle when I see it, good to know that I’ve still got it. I look over at my Fiance with a wistful sigh “I love him, I truly do.” I turn back to him with a wink. “You’re safe.”

“So when you say…”

“The ache is gone, but there’s still a little part of me that will always be yours.” I place my hand over my heart, like we once did in his church. “Or maybe that’s just Piglet.”

“Come on now, that’s not fair! You can’t bring Winnie the Pooh into this!” We laugh. 

It feels good to laugh with him again. I miss this. I miss the way he could just _see_ me, without even trying. Like we were somehow the same, only he turned to God where I turned to sex. I’m over that now, and what I have with my Fiance is so good.

But it’s not the same.

He takes a long drink, looks out the window. “It’s the same for me, you know.”

I realise that I don’t want to hear anymore, that I can’t, back then he chose another love over ours. It’s my turn to do the same. 

“Good,” I say, but before I can say anything else he speaks up again. “You’re different now.”

“Wrinkles,” I brush off.

“No it’s not that. You’ve been here with me this whole time, it’s been nice.”

“Every time I find it hard to just be in the moment, there’s a little voice inside me asking to stay.”

“You found God?” he seems impressed.

“It’s you actually.” He smirks, and I shake my head at him. “Not like that. I think that while I couldn’t believe in myself, I let you do it for me, even after you were gone. You always did have more than enough faith for the both of us.”

There’s that smile again - and there’s no mistaking the pride radiating from it this time. “Well, I’m glad I helped you believe in something.”

People came to interrupt us then, as they always do at these parties. It’s fine, I don’t need his attention anymore. It’s probably for the best, I wouldn’t want to catch feelings again. It still feels good though, to be able to say goodnight as though all we ever were was friends, to walk away from him with a smile on my lips and know that my last memory of him won’t be painful. It will almost be like friendship.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're on tumblr, why not say hello [@katie-dub](https://katie-dub.tumblr.com)?


End file.
